Basics of Meditation: Counting breaths is not the same as counting sheep.
They tell you to close your eyes and count your breaths. How easy could it be? "Though, don't think of anything else. Just pay attention to your breath." Well, anyone who has tried this "simple" meditation knows that it's not that easy.
There are many things that make this task harder than it seems. The way our minds work, they tend to wander. If we try to concentrate on something for more than a few seconds, random thoughts take over. And, let's face it, breathing is dull. How can you pay attention to something so boring when your mind is full of much more interesting things?
During a typical session, I might close my eyes, sit in a comfortable position, and start counting. One breath, two breaths, three... "Do I have it right? I guess so, since I'm already on... oh, three." Take in four... "Should I start over at number one or just keep going?" Take one breath, then two, then three, then four. "Wow, I'm starting to understand this. Oops." One breath, two breaths... "Shouldn't I pay the phone bill? I'm sure I did. I'm really good at making sure my bills are paid. Susan, on the other hand, is always... Darn, I did it again." One breath, two breaths...
The good news is that you do get better at it as you do it more. Even if you've been meditating for a long time, it can still be hard, especially when you're busy or things are going wrong in your life. There is more good news, though. There are some specific things you can do in your meditation practise to help you stay on track and feel less frustrated. In this article, I'd like to tell you three things you can do to improve your practise. These are: Watch but don't take charge, be kind, and have fun.
First, don't try to control or force your breath. A lot of new players make this mistake. Inexperienced meditators often change their breathing, either on purpose or unintentionally, to help them focus on it. The result is a breathing pattern that is sped up and often not regular. This can get in the way of your meditation, not help it.
"Watch" your breathing is what you need to do. You don't have to put in any extra work at all. If you just wait and watch, you will be able to take a breath. Then you can keep track. Even though we all know this, a lot of people still try to force it. If you find yourself trying to control your breaths, gently tell yourself that it's not necessary and wait for the next breath to come naturally.
This leads me to the next tip, which is to be kind. In this case, I'm talking about you and how you meditate. As we've been talking about, paying attention to your breath is not easy. When your mind wanders or you catch yourself controlling your breathing, it's very important not to scold yourself. If you think about it, the time you'd spend scolding yourself for losing your concentration is just more time you'd be spending away from your meditation. When you start to lose focus on your practise, it's best to gently bring yourself back to it. Don't feel bad about yourself and think, "I just can't do it. I'll never be able to do this." These bad thoughts don't help your practise in any way and waste your time. Be compassionate. Just ignore it and go back to meditating.
Another way to look at these wanderings is to see them as important steps in your growth. Meditation takes practise. Like most skills, it takes practise to get better at it. A baseball player doesn't just start hitting home runs the first time they step into the batter's box. He makes mistakes, fixes them, and gets better over time. The number of mistakes can then be used to measure his progress. Even when he is an experienced batter, he will still strike out more often than he would like. But he should also get more hits.
When you first start to meditate, your mind is likely to wander more. But don't stop trying. It will get better. Just like the baseball player, you will learn to make less mistakes and get back on your feet faster as time goes on. You will still have problems and maybe even lulls, but you will also have more successes.
The last thing I'd like to say is that you should enjoy your practise. Even though it can be hard at times, meditating every day can make a big difference in your life. Don't judge yourself and expect to grow or get better to a certain degree or in a certain amount of time. Unlike baseball, mediation is something you do for your whole life. Don't forget that this is your time. Let it be your place of peace, not a job. No matter what else is going on in your life, you can escape during your meditation time. "It's just you and your breath, and then it's just your breath," a Zen master once said. Take a deep breath in and out, and forget about everything else. Even if you're busy or worried about something, enjoy the time you have to yourself, even if it's only ten or fifteen minutes.
I hope that these tips will help you get more out of your meditation. They have been very helpful to me over the years in my own practise. I still have trouble with the same problems we've talked about here, of course. But by watching instead of controlling, being kind to myself when I make mistakes, and enjoying my time alone, I have made my life more full and happier.
