I had my own mid-life crisis when I was 33. For the next 15 years, I went from being an entrepreneur to a college student to a helpmate and homemaker to an entrepreneur to being unemployed to being employed to being unemployed to doing commissioned sales to being unemployed to being employed to being unemployed to being unemployed to NOW. Quite a circuitous route!
Yes, having a plan helps, but sometimes we have to take a leap of faith to reach our goals. I started a blog because I wanted to try something new and take a leap of faith. Did I know for sure that thousands of men could learn from what I had learned in the trenches? No, but I could tell from what I saw and heard that many men wished they were understood better. Men are often misunderstood, don't have support for the decisions they make, and don't get credit for what they do for their family and community.
When I stopped working in advertising, I thought, "Now I know why men die after they retire." I got off course. Even though I chose to close my business, I got so caught up in a fast-paced, competitive world that I lost track of who I was.
When I started a small-press publishing company five years later, I thought I had finally found my true calling. That project failed just as it was about to get a lot of national attention. I got better after four years and a mental break.
But what we think is a "breakdown" is sometimes really a "breakthrough."
I've learned that we have no power over anything. I have no power over anything.
Think about Chinese handcuffs for a moment. The harder you pull on them, the tighter they hold you. The same is true for a breakdown's effect on a person's mind and emotions. When we try to take charge of our lives, we will keep getting lost. Instead, think about how adapting to a new and changing reality might give you clarity and direction if you ask for it.
The more I pulled on those handcuffs, the more they kept me tied to the old way of doing things. I couldn't let go until something in my life made me.
In this world, men don't have it easy. Every day, taking care of and protecting your family doesn't get much attention in the news. How do you keep your family safe from things you can't see? How do you get by when the "old" economy doesn't do what it says it will? Or steals your future money?
Do you worry and work hard every day with no end in sight?
I understand how you feel I was thrown around by the changes in the auto industry. I've felt the same way (the never-ending anxieties of a mother.) I've also learned that holding on doesn't help. The only day we have is today. I spent a lot of time and energy being sad about my life, but I can't say it was all for nothing.
I learned that things happen when they're meant to. "Waiting is not empty hope," Lao-Tzu wrote. There is a right time for everything. I needed to get more emotional tools and mental weapons so I could be ready for battles I didn't know about.
I didn't know who I was for a while, but I never stopped working hard and getting ready.
Every seeker goes through something called the "dark night of the soul." We don't know how long that day will go on for. Eventually, you come out and can say, "I know who I am," with confidence and clarity. This gives you the courage to do something.
Let that be your anchor, not society's "shoulds" or what other people expect of you. Do what you can to take care of and protect your family. That's all that needs to be done.
