People put so much emphasis on emotional intelligence these days that it seems like they hide their feelings and problems in order to "fit in" and keep their jobs, and they use "positive self-talk" to get through tough times.
Recently, I had a friend over whose job was very stressful at the same time that the husband's father-in-law was dying of cancer. Leaving his job didn't seem like a good idea during this hard time, especially since his wife had to spend many months at her parents' house to say goodbye to her dying father. That left him at home to take care of their kids, pay the bills, and so on. Who can start a new job search in a positive way when so much is going on?
After his father-in-law died, his wife went back home. He and many of his coworkers lost their jobs, and his wife decided she no longer wanted to be married. What could go wrong next? OH! Of course! It was possible that his father had cancer.
Now that everything is going wrong, he is living in hell, and his two sweet children look to him for stability. Should we be surprised that people are breaking under the pressure?
He is alone, and trying to be "emotionally together" hurts him more than it helps. We (society) don't want people with all these problems in our lives because we need order and stability. They are not welcome to work in our office. They don't work!
Well, the truth is that our expectations of emotional intelligence and full-functioning adults are what is breaking them.
The other night, I spent three hours with him. During that time, I acknowledged his terrible situation and emotional turmoil and gave him permission to accept all of it. He's not broken, but he's going through emotional pain that he needs to talk about, accept, and work through (processed.) It's not enough for him to accept it. To be surrounded, loved, healed, and reborn, we need community.
So, when we see people who are hurting, we shouldn't see them as broken people who can't get their lives together. Think of them as someone who could use some kindness, generosity, and love. Watch how these small things can make a big difference in their life.
Caveat: I This doesn't mean that people should spend the rest of their lives as helpless victims. Our job is to comfort and still give people power, leaving the "wounded one" to take care of their own healing. Accept, love, and push yourself.
