People say that condolence letters are some of the hardest letters to write and send because they are so personal. Still, when someone close to you has lost a loved one and is going through grief and bereavement, writing and sending a letter of condolence is probably one of the kindest, most thoughtful things you can do.
If you write a condolence letter the right way, it can show that you care about your friend and what they're going through, as well as that you're sorry for their loss. Even though there are many ways to remember a loved one, such as a funeral, memorial service, online memorials, and online obituaries, writing and sending condolence letters can also be a way to show sympathy, remember a loved one, and share those memories with a friend or family member who is grieving.
During such a sensitive time, it's hard for many people to find the right words to say what they want to say in writing. Before you start writing or even thinking about what you might write, remember that your letter, in addition to being carefully and well-written, should have three main goals. The first is to show your friend or family member who has lost a loved one your sympathy and comfort. The second is to remember and honour the person who died. The third is to let the person who lost someone know that you are there for them if they need it. If you can remember and write down these three things, your letter of condolence will be sincere and from the heart.
Try to make your letter of condolences personal and heartfelt, but don't go on and on about how sorry you are. You can start by acknowledging what happened, like the person's death, how you found out about it, how it made you feel, etc. Do not explain in detail how or why the person died. This is not necessary and won't help. Move on to showing your friend or family member who has lost someone your sympathy and comfort. Find out the name of the person who died if you don't know it. For example, it could be the grandmother of your best friend. This will make your letter of condolences more meaningful and personal. If you don't want to ask, you can find out at the funeral or memorial service or by looking online. Their obituary or an online memorial may be posted online.
Next, say something nice about the deceased's relationship with your friend or loved one, if it's appropriate, and say something nice about your relationship with the deceased. Don't forget to include something good about them in general, like their good qualities, traits, personality, hobbies, interests, good memories, etc.
Avoid saying things like "I know how you feel," "This is for the best," or "This is God's will" in your letter of condolence. These phrases are usually not sincere or heartfelt, and they don't really serve a purpose.
Also, don't say in general that you're willing to help if they need it (this is unfortunately very common in condolence letters). You probably want to do something to help your friend or family member who has lost a loved one. Think of something you can do that is useful and specific, and then offer your help, but only if you can follow through.
How do you send a condolence letter? First of all, you shouldn't type a letter on your computer and then print it out. Second, you shouldn't send a letter of condolences by email unless there are special or extreme circumstances. The best way to write and send a letter is to use stationery and write it by hand. A personal touch is needed for a condolence letter to remember a loved one and show support.
Make sure you mail your letter within a couple of weeks of the person's death so that you can properly pay your respects.
It's not easy to write a letter of condolence. Helping a loved one in need is hard, but we may all have to do it at some point in our lives. Take this as a simple starting point to help you get started with the task.
~Ben Anton, 2007
