It's time to stop talking and do more loving things.
Loving actions are those that help us and others reach our highest potential. Loving actions are those that are done out of love instead of out of fear.
People who have been growing personally and spiritually have spent a lot of time talking to each other. Talking with friends about what's wrong and what they want. Talking to therapists about their beliefs and pasts. Talking about what needs to change with a friend. Even though they have talked and talked and talked, not much has changed.
Exploring our limiting beliefs and where they came from is the key to taking loving action, but taking loving action is the key to happiness. We can talk and talk and learn, but nothing will change until we are willing to act out of love. It's not time to stop learning about our fears and beliefs, but it is time for all this learning to lead to loving action.
WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU DO?
We're always doing something, but many of the things we do aren't loving because they don't help us or others reach their highest potential.
All of the things we do are driven by one of two goals:
The desire to be in charge of getting love and staying away from pain. We want to control because we are afraid of something and want to protect ourselves from it.
The desire to learn what is most loving to ourselves and to other people. We want to do this because we love each other and want to be the most loving people we can be.
When we act out of fear and with the goal of being in charge, our wounded self is in charge.
When we do things out of love for ourselves and for other people, our loving Adult is in charge.
THE SHOT-UP SELF
The wounded self is who we are when we want to be in charge of getting love and staying away from pain. The wounded self is also sometimes called the false self or the ego.
Our hurt self, which comes from old fears and limiting beliefs, tries to feel safe by trying to control both our own painful feelings and the feelings, actions, and outcomes of others and the world around us.
When we listen to and act on the lies that have been programmed into our minds, we are acting as our wounded self.
- It's my fault when other people are angry or shy.
- I'm responsible for how other people feel.
- I don't measure up.
- Other people are to blame for how I feel.
- I'll always be alone in the end.
- There is something wrong with me at my core.
These are just a few of the many lies we believed when we were kids. When we listen to these false beliefs and act on them, we are controlling instead of loving. Controlling actions lead to anxiety, depression, stress, anger, and many other painful emotions. We get stuck in a vicious circle where our controlling, unloving actions cause us pain, and then we choose more controlling actions to stop the pain that our controlling actions caused. Whew!
For example, if you get angry at someone and try to control them by blaming them, you may end up feeling anxious and alone. Then, you might try to get rid of your anxiety and loneliness by overeating or eating junk food. This could make you feel physically bad and cause you to gain weight. Then you might feel worried and sad about the weight gain, which could make you afraid of being turned down. You might then try to hide your fear of being turned down by trying to control how someone feels about you by being too nice. When that person doesn't respond to you with love, you may feel hurt and lash out in anger and blame to try to control both the other person and your own pain. Now you are right back where you started, in a circle of pain and behaviour that controls you.
THE LOVING ADULT
For you to act lovingly, your loving Adult needs to make your decisions. Your loving Adult is who you are when you want to be a loving person and are willing to learn what is most loving to yourself and others. When you are truly open to learning, you will naturally be connected to a higher source of guidance. For example, when you ask, "What is the most loving thing I can do right now?" helpful answers will come to you. When you get the answer to a question in a certain situation, a loving adult does the loving thing.
It's time to be willing to learn about loving actions and then do them. Do more and talk less!
