Games let us show who we really are. In games, we can act quickly instead of thinking about what to do. Often, how you act depends on how you see the game. If the game is only going to happen once, why not be rough? But if this is just one of a series of events, it's clear that working together is the better long-term plan.
You are standing on a small stage and shouting, "What's the name of the game?!"
"Win as much as you can!" is shouted again.
"Who is to blame for your grade?!"
"I am!!"
Ninety men who are inmates at a federal maximum-security prison make up the crowd.
Another thing: you are a woman.
Alicia volunteered at the FCI (Federal Correctional Institute) in Bastrop, Texas, every Thursday for three years.
"As a corporate trainer, I used my skills to help these men learn to change how they saw themselves and the world."
"Along the way, the prisoners taught me at least as much as I taught them, and maybe even more."
"I use games in my training business to break down barriers and change people's ideas. I learned that the way you act in a game is an exaggerated version of the way you act in real life."
Games give us a chance to act like who we really are, to respond quickly instead of carefully. Depending on the other players, we may pay less attention to how we act in a game than we do in real life, but we don't act any differently. In a game, you can feel anything you want.
In a game, we can use our right brain more than our left brain. "It's only a game," as the saying goes.
Saying that something is just a game makes it seem less important. Because we think it's unimportant and unimportant, we can let our true selves show.
When we told some of our coworkers about this idea, they told us about times when they learned something new about themselves. When she played hockey in school, one woman, who was very nice and kind in "real life," was known as "the enforcer." Someone else said that when she plays a game with people she doesn't know, she gets "brutal" and very competitive.
So, if a game shows us who we really are, what can we do with that information?
Can we change things so that we can be who we really are? Can we turn real-life situations into games to let our true selves shine? One example would be to see business as a game that needs to be won. This is a sign of competition and a "winner takes it all" mentality.
But Covey and others have told us how to make situations where everyone wins. Is there such a thing as a "win-win" game, in which no one loses and everyone wins? Can you come up with a game where your competitive spirit can help you reach a bigger goal? Is it possible to make the proverbial pie bigger? To change from "I'm winning" to "We're winning," as someone told me.
How do you play the game? Try to win as much as possible!
Who is to blame for your grade? I am!
The name of the game that Alicia and the other prisoners played was "the handshake game." She put them in groups based on their size, height, and weight, and then she told them the rules. "The game will last 45 seconds. When your hand taps his hip, you get one point, and when his hand taps yours, he gets one point."
Most of the pairs had a score of 0 points when added together. A few pairs got between 10 and 20 points.
One pair, though, got 260 points.
The people with the most points realized that the name of the game and who was in charge of scoring did not make it a "zero-sum" (win-lose) game. That is, neither person won because the other person lost.
Everything was a set-up, of course. Alicia matched them up based on their size, height, and weight so that everyone knew it would be a fair fight. She got them to chant to make them more excited.
She also forgot to tell them that they were a team and that their scores would be added together.
"I didn't tell them that they had to work with their partner on purpose. I also didn't tell them who their rivals were."
We all know that for a "formal" team to win, everyone must work together. The big surprise was that they could all do better if they worked together.
How do you play the game? Try to win as much as possible!
Who is to blame for your grade? I am!
Nothing in the rules says that you can't let the other person get a high score. When they "got it," the two people quickly fell into a rhythm of "one for you and one for me." And they could have kept doing that for the whole game. The other teams, meanwhile, were having trouble and would have run out of energy long before the winners did. And when the few teams that did see the pair who "got it" were accused of "cheating," they were the ones who "got it." "We saw what they were doing, but we thought they were cheating or didn't know the rules."
"The prisoners' dilemma" is a nice way to explain the confusion between cooperation and competition. Two people are arrested for a crime, and there is enough evidence to put them both in jail for a year.
The police separate them and give each of them the same deal: "If one of you tells and the other one doesn't, the one who told gets off and the one who didn't gets 3 years. If you both talk, each of you will get two years."
The two people can work together (by keeping quiet) and only get a year in jail each. By both leaving the partnership to work for the police, they will each get two years in prison.
One traitor will go free, while the one who helped will get 3 years in prison.
The dilemma comes from the fact that trust and greed are at odds. We can't see things from a different point of view when we're tempted by greed and used to competing.
But don't think that this only happens to prisoners. When Alicia has had groups of business leaders play this game, they act the same way the prisoners do. In fact, there are some business meetings where no one "gets it."
It seems like you can't compete and win at the same time. It seems strange to work together to win. In fact, we hear other players say that the ones who "get it" are cheating!
How you play the game depends on how you see it. If the game is just a one-time thing, why not be rough? There won't be any repercussions. But if this is the first of a series of events, it's clear that working together is the better long-term plan, even if it's just so that each side can get even.
Studies of games like "Prisoners' Dilemma" (played for points, not to get out of jail) have shown that players eventually settle on a strategy called "tit for tat." What their actions say is, "If you cooperate last time, I'll cooperate next time. If you broke the rules last time, I'll break the rules next time."
Using the word "defect" helps us see the change. Working together (on the same side) is the opposite of switching to the other side.
Wanting to compete and wanting to win are two different things.
Strategy, tactics, moves, and other words from games are often used to talk about "serious" things in life. Because the word "game" makes us think of something silly, we don't always like it when it's used to describe the things that are most important to us.
What if we kept telling ourselves, "It's all a game"? Would that change how we act?
In the first chapter of Finite and Infinite Games, which is a book by philosopher James P. Carse, he writes, "At least two kinds of games exist. One could be called "finite" and the other "infinite." In a finite game, the goal is to win, while in an infinite game, the goal is to keep playing."
"A Vision of Life as Play and Possibility" is what the book's subtitle says. His main point is that a game is about how the players interact with each other.
In the book, he talks about two different kinds of players. Players with a limited number of moves play by the rules, while players with an unlimited number of moves play with the rules. Players with a set number of turns play to win and end the game. Players with an unlimited number of turns play to keep the game going (by whatever means they see fit). People who play with an unlimited number of players play to keep playing.
The people who "get it" are the ones who play with the rules to make a finite game into an infinite one.
If this article has made you curious, we suggest you think about the different "games" you play and with whom. What kind of game are you playing, and who are your "teammates"? With a better understanding of how we act and how others act, we can develop a "win as much as WE can" attitude.
