Why do 95% of people who set goals for themselves not reach them? In a single word: hurry.
The most important and hard part of setting goals is the step right after you set them. In the first stage, there is a short period of happiness. But this will be over soon, and then you'll reach a dry plateau in your learning. Most people lose their way and give up at this point.
But this is the time when you have to keep going no matter what. Otherwise, it's like digging up the seeds a week after sowing them. So, here is a 6-step plan for dealing with your impatience and keeping your plans on track if you need a guide through the dry plains of goal-setting.
- Have a lot of reminders to keep you going. One cruel trick that life plays on us is that it's easy to set goals but hard to reach them. This is never more true than when working toward a new goal for the first time. When we choose a new goal that seems possible, we get excited and look forward to it. When everyone cheers as we cross the starting line, it feels like the beginning of a marathon. But the cheers are soon forgotten as we move on to the second phase, which is the hard work. During this phase, we need a ready supply of motivational reminders to keep us going. I use this one a lot. It's from Ray Kroc, the man who started the McDonald's chain of restaurants around the world. Kroc was a great businessman. He says that you learn the most in the early stages of working toward a new goal: "You grow when you're green. When you're ripe, you rot."
- Don't be a bee, be a fly. In the early stages of setting goals, the biggest problem is that you can never be sure which way to go, especially if you are breaking new ground. You try something, but nothing happens. You try again, but nothing happens. And again. And again. That's not easy. But it's essential. Because you are getting better. Karl Weick says that it would be better to be a fly than a bee in this situation. When you put a fly and a bee in an upside-down jam jar, the bee will go straight for the light and keep buzzing against the bottom of the glass. On the other hand, the fly will dive around the jar quickly, checking out every corner, until it finds a way out. If you want to be successful, you should be a fly, not a bee.
- Be willing to fight.
People who want to do well often think that the second step of setting goals is a waste of time. They would rather skip it and go straight to the next step. But to think this is to miss the point of the second phase as a whole. It's there to make you stronger. You may have heard the story "The Man and the Butterfly" about a man who saw a butterfly struggling to get out of its cocoon. The man cut a bigger hole in the cocoon and pulled the butterfly through it to help it get out. But the butterfly couldn't fly away; it was stuck there. Its body had gotten too big. The man didn't realise that the butterfly's struggle to get through the hole forces fluid from its body to its wings, making them strong and ready to carry its weight. Like the butterfly, we have to work hard to get where we want to go.
- Be Objective.
In the second step of setting goals, it helps to take a step back and get some distance from what's going on. We need to be three-legged, not two-legged. People who can only see themselves and other people are called bipeds. Risk-taking is a do-or-die undertaking. Either progress is a victory or a disaster. Win or lose, that's all there is to life. Tripeds, on the other hand, can get some distance from their situation by finding a third place from which they can look around and see things clearly. No longer is life either/or. It has colour, depth, and many different views.
- Don't be too hard on yourself.
Our win-lose culture puts a lot of pressure on us to see ourselves as either winners or losers at all times. This means that losing is bad and winning is the only thing that matters. "Failure is not an option" is one of the most often used phrases in our culture today. But this doesn't understand what success is really about. We have to fail before we can be successful. And we have to fail a lot before we can succeed a lot. Almost every successful business owner, from Thomas Edison to Walt Disney, failed many times along the way. They didn't judge themselves, though. They saw failure as "not succeeding yet" and just another step on the way to success.
- Manage Your Morale.
Getting stuck in the hard work phase of setting goals isn't always fun. No one is any longer cheering. You don't have anything to show for all your hard work. And the dream still seems very far away. Then you have to keep your spirit up. That means taking care of your stress, keeping things fun, and working on the things you can't see, like your thoughts, feelings, and spirit. And, like the fluid in a butterfly's wings, these things may be what will help you fly." I can say, "I'm very scared, and fear is awful and makes me feel bad, so I won't do it." I could also say, "Get used to feeling bad." It feels bad to do something dangerous. Then what? Do you want to stay where you are and be happy?" (Barbra Streisand)
We humans are a lot like the world of plants. Nature and time help us grow the most when we work with them. Don't push yourself too hard to reach your goals. If you keep going with faith, confidence, and resolve, you'll get there when the time is right.
