Most people think that relationships should bring us happiness and bliss forever. Even though there are happy couples, divorce rates show that most people are not happy after the initial excitement wears off.
Relationships that don't rely on each other
This less appealing truth is the key to a truly loving relationship in which neither person is dependent on the other. Jung said, "When two personalities meet, it's like when two chemicals come into contact: if there's a reaction, both change." In a nutshell, relationships are all about how people change. We stay in relationships as long as things are going well, but we usually end them at the first sign of trouble. If the person we love turns out to be different from what we thought they would be, we feel like they lied to us about something about their character or that we can't trust what we thought about them.
Relationships based on how well two people go together instead of how much they need each other
But the real issue is something else. At this difficult point in the relationship, we have the chance to build a relationship based on mutual complementarity instead of need. This is a free relationship between two people who want to be together instead of a relationship between two people who need to be together.
So what's the plan?
Awareness
One of the most important steps in this process is to become aware of ourselves and learn more about who we are. Another step is to fill our own "holes," or needs, instead of hoping that someone else will do it for us. This is easier to say than to do. It means "growing into wholeness," which is a process that lasts a lifetime.
Filling Our Needs
Most relationship problems are caused by our needs. We look for people who can meet our needs, whether we know it or not, instead of meeting our own needs. When we are obsessed with someone and feel like we can't live without them, we should carefully think about what we are missing, what we think others are "giving" us, and why we think we need them to live. This element is shown to us through the relationship, the obsession, the need, and the desire to control and own. If we could just realise this, we might still have to go through pain, but we would have found the real way out of this kind of dependent need.
Themes of Change in Jungian Thought
The Shadow A.
Most people don't know about the shadow, which is an unconscious part of the mind that hasn't been lived out. C.G. Jung thought that the more people look into themselves and really get to know who they are, the more conscious society as a whole becomes. Children are often told not to act on or even feel their bad or aggressive feelings. Even though they have to be taught not to act on these urges, they often end up burying them so deeply that they forget they even exist. So, they think that the conscious attitude they have chosen is who they really are.
But the bad parts haven't gone away; they've just moved into the unconscious, where they can cause all kinds of problems when the shadow makes its way into behaviour on the outside. You might say the opposite of what you meant to say, for example. Often, you see parts of yourself in other people that you don't know you have. These are called projections.
The level of emotion you feel about someone else's actions is the best sign that they have shadow sides. As long as the content of the projection isn't aware, projections will keep happening over and over again, accompanied by strong emotions. But of course, as long as it's a projection, you think the problem is with the other person. You don't realise that your strong emotional reaction to the other person is the problem that needs to be solved, not the other person's behaviour (whether or not it's okay).
The Animus and Anima
Jung thought that everyone has a psychological reality that is the opposite of their sex. The anima, which in Latin means "soul" or "spirit," is the female part of a man's mind that represents his unconscious traits. Women in a man's real life can tell him about things he can't see.
The animus is the masculine part of a woman's mind. It represents new ideas or potential, as well as rigidity, stubbornness, absolute beliefs, or a feeling of not being worth much.
Projection
We are always drawn to a man or woman who, in some way, represents parts of our own anima or animus that we haven't yet lived out or realised. We actually fall in love with parts of ourselves we haven't yet seen in the other person. This makes us feel like we need the other person because they can say what we can't.
Since all of this is unconscious, it usually takes taking off the rose-colored glasses and coming back to reality to force us into pain and frustration. This forces us to start the process of self-awareness, understanding, and growth toward incorporating these needs and then fulfilling them ourselves. This helps us reach a level of wholeness from which we can approach relationships in a very different way and with a lot more inner freedom.
Tips for making your relationships better:
How to do something
- Use what you've learned to change, grow, and realise that you always have a choice in how you respond to things.
- Look at arguments not from the point of view of how egotistical, horrible, jealous, or controlling your partner is, but from the point of view of what the argument is telling you about YOURSELF. The other person may be all of these things, but it's not as important to focus on their flaws as it is to think about how you can grow by watching how you react to what's going on.
- Use this article to look at yourself in a love relationship.
- Get a sense of who you are by meeting your own needs instead of trying to get them met through other people. First, love yourself!
- Always be very aware of yourself. Watch the times you want to lie or at least tell things in a way that isn't 100% true, and try to figure out why. Are you afraid that if you show your real self, you won't be accepted or loved?
- Always pay attention to any kind of "affect" (emotion, both good and bad)... it can tell you a lot about what you need to work on (even if it proves the other person is a heel). But if you were "whole," your feelings wouldn't matter.
- Realize that attraction, love, chemistry, and feelings are all caused by your inner man or woman's psycho-emotional and spiritual makeup. This is so that you can work on these things and grow further. It's a way for your mind to help you feel whole. Relationships are so important to personal growth and development because of this.
- Pay special attention to relationships where there is an imbalance of power. If you are on top, ask yourself what you get out of it. If you are on the bottom, ask yourself why you are willing to be there. The answer to all of these questions helps your growth. Remember, it takes two to tango.
