Over 30 million Baby Boomers help their elderly parents for free for many hours every week. Using average hourly wages, it is thought that the total cost of this unpaid care is about the same as the budget for all of Medicare. Almost $5,000 is spent each month out of pocket by the estimated 7 million Boomers who care for loved ones far away. Even more than $650,000 has been lost in wages, benefits, and pensions by caregivers who have quit their jobs or are thinking about it to take care of a sick parent.
This harsh economic reality is just one part of what caregivers have to pay for doing what they do out of love.
Caregivers lose a lot more than just money because of their jobs. They often give up things that bring them joy and make their lives more interesting, like getting together with friends for dinner, going to the movies, or taking family trips. They lose time, work opportunities, and personal connections, which makes them feel alone.
Sometimes, loved ones who are otherwise healthy need a short amount of care while they recover from a sudden illness or injury, like a broken leg. Most of the time, loved ones are steadily getting worse and needing more and more help. Some caregivers give up a lot of their own lives to help their parents, other family members, and friends pass away peacefully. Caregivers can pay for their work with their own health and happiness. In fact, there is proof that some caregivers pay with their lives for the good things they do.
You can cut down on the personal and financial costs of caring for someone. This means planning ahead instead of reacting after the fact. Plan ahead to save money. You already know this because you've been to the grocery store with and without a shopping list. Planning also reduces stress and wear and tear on the person. Before you start a hard project, you'll feel much better if you know your options and have back-up plans.
Here are five ways to cut down on the cost of caregiving:
- Start the talk right now.
We have a very hard time accepting that people get older, get sick, and die. Just like the first few steps uphill are the hardest, starting a conversation about their possible need for care may be the hardest thing to do. Say to your parents today, "Mom and Dad, it would be great if you could live forever, but the fountain of youth is nowhere in sight." What do you think about and plan to do to enjoy your golden years?"
- Think of a plan.
Talk to your parents about what they want to happen if they can't take care of themselves anymore. Then, start taking steps toward that goal. Look into insurance for long-term care. Write up the correct legal papers. Find out who would make medical decisions for them if they were unable to do so themselves, as well as some guidelines for those decisions. Say something like, "Mom and Dad, I just got back from the lawyer's office where I signed my will and durable medical power of attorney. I've asked Mitch to make decisions about my health care if I can't. Just so you know, I wouldn't want to be kept alive by a machine if I were in a vegetative state. You probably have already made plans, too, right?"
- Use your own and other people's resources.
Make taking care of someone a job that everyone in the family does. Even young kids can make grandma's life more special by drawing for her and calling her. Find services that make it easier for you to do your job as a caregiver. If you live in the same town as your parents, talk to friends, neighbours, and local groups to find out about services and resources that will make your job easier. You say, "Mom just moved in with us, and she wants to "find a card game with the girls." Do you know of any senior centres that hold events for people to get together? How about getting around?"
We live in a mobile society, and a lot of people who take care of their parents live more than an hour away from them. Executive William Gillis found out the hard way how hard it is to find community resources from far away. He took care of his father while he was building the path that led to his online portfolio management service. What a bunch of different feelings! Professionally, he was introducing a service that would let millions of people manage their investments with just one click of a computer mouse. He spent a lot of his own time trying to find just one piece of information that would help his dad.
As with many other innovators, he used his personal and professional experience to start Parent Care (www.parents-care.com), a service that he wished would have made his life as a caregiver-at-a-distance easier.
- Look for ways to save money. This could mean something as simple as ordering generic drugs or asking often about discounts for seniors. But most chances to save money aren't as obvious. For example, Mr. Gillis found that some states will pay for phones for seniors who have trouble hearing, seeing, or moving around, or will pay for home safety improvements. He said, "We've spent a lot of time and money to find ways to save time and money that most people would have trouble finding. I made it my goal to help other caregivers avoid some of the costs and hassles I had to deal with. You don't have to start from scratch. Use the resources that other people have put together.
- Look after yourself.
As a caregiver, you will be able to give the best care when you are at your best. Get enough sleep, eat well, and work out regularly. Take care of your stress and do something small every day to feed your soul. Know that you are more likely to get anxious, depressed, or have your immune system weaken. Talk to your doctor if you have trouble sleeping, a change in your appetite, or a lack of interest in things you used to enjoy.
Even though it cost them money, most caregivers say they got much more out of it than they gave. Most say they'd do it again, and a lot of them do.
Sometimes the question isn't how much caregiving costs you, but how much value you add to the lives of those you care for. What are you willing to sacrifice for the chance to help the people who brought you into the world enjoy their golden years and face illness with love and dignity?
