Jealousy in a marriage is harmful, can kill the relationship, and is a common problem that needs to be fixed.
If you let jealousy build up and get worse, your mind will go crazy. You'll think the enemy is around every corner and question everything your partner says, does, and thinks. In the worst-case scenarios, unresolved and unchecked jealousy has led to the end of a relationship, the start of a long-term vendetta, and even death.
Even if we try to deny it, most people have jealous feelings at some point in their lives. Jealousy is one of the most common problems in marriage, and it can come from feelings of insecurity or neglect.
We live in a society where people often get married after their second, fifth, or any number of other relationships. In many cases, this is their second or later marriage. This is just the way things are now, but it can make a partner feel insecure, especially if a former partner is still around or if there are children involved.
People can come into marriages with so much baggage from their pasts that it can be hard for them to feel safe, trusting, and sure of themselves.
There are many things that can cause jealousy in a marriage, and no matter how much you try to convince yourself that there's nothing to worry about, your mind won't listen. Meanwhile, your partner keeps doing the things that make you feel unsafe.
- When a couple breaks up, the kids need to know that it's not their fault. This makes parents overprotective and desperate to make up for the lack of a parent, often at the expense of making new friends.
- No one could ever be accused of being too jealous after an affair. If the marriage stays together (which it often does), strong steps need to be taken to help the person who was cheated on trust their partner again and control their jealousy.
- When a baby is born, husbands often feel left out, even if they wanted the child. This is one of the most common problems in marriages. Just having a baby completely changes your life. You pay more attention to the child and your marriage takes a complete "nose dive." With the bond between mother and child getting closer, fathers can feel left out, unwanted, and like they're just a spare part.
- Some people are natural flirts who attract the opposite sex like magnets. Once the ring is on the finger, this leaves partners feeling completely insecure and just waiting for the moment when they will be dumped for the next person who comes along. Most of the time, the person who flirts doesn't know how their actions affect their relationship. They don't think they're doing anything wrong, but they think that what they're doing is friendly and not harmful.
With some of my friends, jealousy went the other way. After the birth of their first child, the wife felt trapped and her husband spent all his time taking care of the baby. She just missed the time before they had kids, when they had lots of friends and spent all their free time together.
Too much time at work can make your partner feel very insecure, especially if you're working more hours and spending less time at home for the sake of your family. But if you think about it, is it really for the sake of your family?
People get too focused on their goals and don't think about how this affects their relationships and family life.
Long hours and constant travel can be really bad for a relationship if only one person is on board. If left unchecked, it can become one of those common marriage problems that can't be fixed.
The list goes on and on. Jealousy is not a bad thing in and of itself; it's a strong sign that you care. The most important thing to remember is not to let jealousy take over, make us angry, and do harm.
If you're feeling jealous, look at what's making you feel that way, ask yourself why you feel that way, and see if it makes sense. Is your partner actually doing something wrong? Have they done something to make you feel jealous, or have you just let your feelings get out of hand?
If you are at fault, the first step to stopping this destructive and emotional thought process is to realise that you are at fault. It lets you talk to your partner about your fears, tell them how you feel, and ask for their help to get over your jealous feelings. This can strengthen your marriage and give you a better foundation for the future.
Communication is the key to a happy marriage. If you can learn to talk to people, you can talk about your feelings in a way that isn't confrontational, doesn't make accusations, and is understanding and helpful.
Don't just say things like, "I think you're having an affair," because it might not be true and it will only make things worse. Tell your partner that something seems to have changed in your relationship. Tell them what has changed and why you think your marriage is different. Don't point fingers or get upset. Just tell your partner what's on your mind and ask for their help to figure it out.
Expecting our partners to always know what we want and how we feel is one of the most common problems in marriage. But even if we have a ring on our finger, we can't always read minds. If we haven't told our partner how we feel and they don't know they've done something wrong in our eyes, how can we expect them to fix it?
Now is the time to tell them, "Save your marriage before it's too late." You have nothing to lose and a lot to gain. Even if the answer isn't what you want to hear, knowing something gives you power, and when you know something, you can change your life.
