How does someone go from self-deception or wishful thinking to facing reality and making it work for them? If you talk with me about this question, you might find some answers that help you move up a few steps on the ladder to happiness.
Aren't most beliefs the result of ignorance and fantasy? Think about how young souls see the world when they are at the height of their innocence and have been surrounded by love and happiness all their lives. Listen to them laugh. Dreams grow in a void of knowledge like laughing gas and fill you with the purest, most blinding joy.
People say that ignorance is bliss because it keeps us from having to think about things we don't know (which reveals the limits of reality and hence the impossibility of our fantasies). It is the best place to play because the mind can build castles in the air, make a wonderland, and live happily in this kingdom of reverie. It makes it easy for wrong ideas to take over because we can believe whatever we want. Until we find evidence to the contrary, everything we want is at least possible, if not real. Santa Claus will die when we are old and no longer so young and naive that we are easily fooled by tall tales.
In reality, we are still at risk no matter how smart we are. We make up stories about the world we live in, which we never fully know, or about the world beyond, which we can't know. We are always tempted to think that our health, our relationships, our careers, or any other part of our lives will be great, or that our death won't be the end, but a way to get to a paradise afterlife. Many people can't resist this temptation when they find a charismatic fortuneteller or spiritual leader who shares this belief, even though it hasn't been proven. Then, if we believe, it's because we don't know enough and because we have faith.
Young idealists often feel passion for attractive people of the opposite sex even though they don't know them well. This is an example of self-deception that shows how much they want perfect love. By "perfect love," I mean a complete and lasting harmony between two lovers on all levels—physical, mental, intellectual, and spiritual. As the words "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" suggest, it has a lot to do with friendship. Even though it includes lust, it goes beyond and changes it.
Pop songs often use this idea, which draws in a lot of young people. I'm thinking especially of young men, who are quick to make up stories about pretty young women and fall madly in love with them, or with a made-up version of them. This quickness is a sign of how young and reckless they were. It doesn't take much for these young men to think they've found their soul mate. All it takes is a few smiles and nods, a few kind words of agreement, and they'll feel like they've found someone who shares their sense of what is good, true, right, or holy. With a few lucky signs, they think the pretty young women are their dream girls and fall in love with them. A few, in fact, that led people astray. Every charm has something that should worry you.
If, in the struggle to survive and be happy, society is a cure for individual limitations (even if it is an imperfect cure with side effects), then it is also a hard pill to take. Civility is like a sweet coating that makes it easier to swallow. Give thanks to people who say they are unhappy in a kind way and add a compliment or a word of encouragement. No nagging, no gagging. Sometimes being polite means not being honest, which can be well-intentioned or self-serving hypocrisy. It turns into servitude when kindness and weakness come together, or when someone is just selfish. Some people are tricked or kept in the dark in some way when they should be living wisely in the light of knowledge. They don't have access to the truth, which means they can't think about their real situation or reach their real goal.
Young men are often attracted to pretty young women by the way they act in social situations. This is a type of person I called a "fantasizer." The poor fish takes the hook, but like many others in the same boat, they soon realise they made a mistake. The dream girls were just regular maidens or vixens who started out acting and talking very sweetly but later showed they were not as nice as they seemed or had a bad temper.
A long relationship is a good way to find out who someone really is. It always makes relationships look less smooth than they did at first, when seduction is more important than anything else. Like the outer layers of an onion, this looks are just on the surface and don't tell the whole story. Once it's gone, after a series of changes that marked a slow return to nature, problems start to happen. When the truth comes out, tears are shed.
At this point, a lot of young dreamers split up with their lovers. They start a new relationship until the next breakup or disappointment. Then they start a new relationship, and so on. They do the same thing in other parts of their lives, starting things with high hopes and giving up as soon as things get hard. They never settle for anything less than perfect, and they never make anything worth talking about.
After a few disappointments, some of these dreamers stop this nonsense and become brave realists. Their courage sets them apart from other hopeless people who give up and give in to laziness without feeling bad about it. These people who give up think that their attitude is realistic, so they accept nothing or mediocrity instead of working for excellence, which is possible but not perfect. In their eyes, people are only in their element when they're making up stories, just like fish are when they're swimming. In fact, people who are good at changing are more like amphibians than fish. They can go back to Earth without killing themselves out of frustration and, even better, with a chance to live happily, thanks to a mix of fighting and giving up that gives them joy and peace.
Realists who are brave enough to know and accept the conditions and limits of happiness are happy. They think it's even more valuable because it costs a lot and is likely to be lost at some point. They also know that it's possible to live a fickle life for a while, but in the end, you have to commit to a relationship, study, or career, even if it's not perfect and there are problems, if you want to do something worth talking about. Nothing good can come from always giving something up to find something better.
